I started a conference call at 11:00 P.M. last night. The person leading the meeting from the other side of the world expressed that she felt bad for me, but also that she was glad I could at least sleep in the following morning since it would be Saturday.
Funny how my mind totally blanked for a few seconds upon hearing the remark. It was as if she was talking to me in an alien language. When I recovered a bit, I could only flatly reply, “That does not happen.”
Over the last few years it has just become a daily routine for me to get up very early in the morning — 6AM at the latest, but sometimes as early as 3 — and to be up and running right away, all day until around midnight or even an hour or two later. Part of it is necessity, such as when we need to go to my husband’s medical treatment. Hugely, though, I think it has just become a bad habit.
I would spend time working and writing, and when there is nothing urgent left for me to attend to I would go online and contact friends looking for additional stuff to do. Sometimes it’s freelance writing, other times it’s volunteering or just anything that would interest me and I could get my hands into.
What I have might just be an addiction to busy-ness.
And I have to do something about it.
So for the first time, I have decided to identify my personal word for the year:
I have to be deliberate in pursuing pauses in my daily walk.
I have to be consistent with my quiet time. I have to slow down to enjoy God’s presence in my life.
He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters. He restores my soul.
– Psalm 23:2-3
I’ll be taking time and effort in the next days to trim off my life’s clutter. “Major on the major,” as what my pastor says. After all, as I’ve said in my first post of the year, there is nothing that I look forward to more than His very presence.
I stand in joyful expectation, eager for what God will reveal to me and the intimacy I will share with Him, as I take more and longer pauses this year just to focus on Him.